i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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