He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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