mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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