I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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