Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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