It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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