i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
