So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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