How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
accomplished twins. life is a go
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
