this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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