I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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