Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
