There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
