cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
