I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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