so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
