guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
