Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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