your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
