soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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