Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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