i just google imaged poop.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
