Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
