I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
