I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize