How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
