Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
