i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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