I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
