at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
