OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
