You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
