My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
