roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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