dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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