I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
