Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
honey bunches of taint.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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