Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
