I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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