Rock
Scissors
Fuck
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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