So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
