Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
