So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
