my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize