all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
