well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
