Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
