She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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