3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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