I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
