its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
