What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have post one night stand depression
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
