I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
