Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
