Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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