Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well you can't waste a boner
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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