I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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