Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
