I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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