I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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