God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
