hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
