pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize