I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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