3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
