you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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