Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
